A Warped Kind of Day

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale
a tale of a Awesome trip,
that started from this tropic state,
aboard the Warped Tour ship.
The mate (that's me) was a mighty wailin' man,
the Skipper not so brave that's for sure,
10,000 kids and I set sail that day,
for a 10 hour Warped Tour,
a 10 hour Warped Tour.

The mosh pits started getting rough,
this tiny Dude was tossed.
If not for the liquid courage of the Monsters brew.
Your Dude would be lost.
Your Dude would be lost.

The Tour ran aground on the land of the Central Florida Fairgrounds
with Ray(again),
the Strippers too.
The Stoner and his boys,
70 rock stars,
the weird dressers and a Green Man,
here on Warped Tour Isle.

So this is the tale of our Warped-aways,
they'll be rocking for a long long time.
They have to make the best of things,
it's been a fucking great time.
The dude Ray and his 10000 friends too
will do their very best,
to make their day tolerable,
in their Warped Tour Island mess.
No shade ,no TP, no cold water,
not a single luxury
like Robinson Crusoe
it was primitive as can be.
So join us here each year my friends,
you're sure to get a little high,
from ten thousand and one Warped-aways
here on Warped Tour Isle.


On this years episode I thought I would give you the highlights and lowlights of the event as seen through the eyes and mind of the sportsfreak. Yikes!

To the younger generation (nancy boys) who came for the tour to take in the sunshine and some great bands, but wound up instead scurrying for cover in the shaded areas behind the concession stands because the sun was too "shiny".
Suck it Up!
Wouldn't you think they be training for this day? Ahhh...Youth.


Warped Survival Tip #1 - coat thyself with sunscreen, you will be baking for 8 hours.

What is worn to Warped is a shock to some and normal to others. You had your bikini wearers both good and bad. Dudes in speedos and flip flops, one guy in a suit and tie (don't let that fool you, that guy was raging!), saw two clowns, a girl with horsehair leg warmers,I saw eight black people (where are my brothers?), a dude in army fatigues, lots of spiked mohawks, red hair, blue hair, green hair, rainbow bright hair and two people with walkers.

Warped Survival Tip #2- Keep your head on a swivel if your rockin' the yellow. Wearing yellow means you've made yourself a target: I had numerous water bottles, countless flip flops, one strawberry shake, an orange vuvuzela, a condom water balloon and a dirty sneaker come my way.


DouchebagLand or as you may refer to it, the Mosh Pit is all fun and games until your get run over. The MP really is like a twister. The outer circle of DB's picking off people as the circle gets larger and larger, you are now part of the twister, things are flying around, body parts get hit, you feel something wet, taste something sweet, your are blind to everything until your get to the vortex of the tornado. There at the storms center it's uniquely silent and everyone is at peace. You can't stay there forever, so leave your center.... carnage awaits.

Warped Survival Tip #3- if someone has "Free Hugs" or "Free Kisses" written on them. It is not ok to just run up and hug or kiss them. Who knew?

Man can not survive on bread alone. Warped people like myself go another route altogether. I am going to list exactly what I consumed so that historians can document it for medical study.
In time order, here....we....go...2 liters of water and blueberry muffin(waiting in line to enter), once inside monster ED, monster ED, monster ED (they were free), liter of water, liter of water, liter of water, liter of water, PB&J sandwich,($12 for chicken fingers no thanks),liter of water, liter of water, monster ED, PB&J sandwich, beer, liter of water, liter of water, bag of bottle caps,liter of water,liter of water,liter of water,liter of water, monster ED (half drank, thrown from a stage, still it was cold),liter of water,liter of water, monster nitro, monster nitro.

Warped #4 Tip- Stoners will share their weed dude! It's ok, I got a medical thing.


Awesome bands to get into your Ipods-
WATIC,Andrew WK, Suicide Silence, Dirty Little Rabbits, Sum 41



Thanks to the guy who parked his bicycle under my car.
Free bike for the sportsfreak!