I think I'm getting a cramp

My friend Rob asked me to go jogging with him last week. Being the bestest friend ever, I agreed to a running date. What? Never mind. I would suggest to anyone who has been asked to run, find out, I mean really find out if that other person can run. I thought I knew how to read peoples athletic abilities, you know like having super hero powers. but those powers absolutely failed me on this one.

I was doomed from the beginning when he came out dressed like he was ready to run a marathon. I am talking the Addidas sweatsuit (with rip away pants) $1500 running shoes, head band , water bottle attached to a belt (what moron invented that damn thing), meanwhile I styled the basketball shorts, high tops and tshirt I woke up with on. I was gonna win ugly.

Now in my hey day, I could squeeze out five or six miles. That's where the Ray- ometer stopped. Rob said he was fine with that. Now let me tell y'all that I was not fully truthful to Rob when he asked if I ran. I did run..well..ranned...ran.
Many years ago, I got the bug to run. At first it was easy peasy lemo...fuck me...it sucked from the beginning. Lasted about two years and then I smartened up or got lazy. Smartened up sounds better right?

I had no stamina the first few weeks. Then ....Stamina became my new friend. It was like a drug man. I couldn't get enough of that dude. What they say is true. Running does give you a high. NOOO you Stoners, not munchies high. Christ..focus.
The bad thing about stamina is that one minute he is your friend, the next he is your stomach holding, side splitting, I am going to die friend.
I remember that bastard as I was running the final leg of the 6th grade 600 yard dash. I went from cruising to crawling in 50 measly yards. Pathetic.

Have you ever watched the Hawaiian Iron Man Race? There are like what? 7 million people who run that damn thing. Me not being one of them. Every year I watch this and am amazed at the different types of people who run the race. The mom with two jobs and six kids, the son running in memory of his grandpa, the ultra marathon freaks, the dad pushing his son in a wheel chair and pedaling his bike because his son has lost both his legs in the war. Most inspiring thing I ever saw.

I'll let you know I a tried my very best to keep up with Rob. He even did the pant thing and tucked them swiftly in a jogging bag he brought with him. Dude was channeling a metro sexual version of Rain Murphy. Two miles in I gave up while waving him to continue while wondering to myself "why are there pliers pinching my side?"
Sadly Rob and I broke up after one running date.


If you think you can't do something, just look round folks. Other people are doing it. That should be motivation enough.



The sportsfreak says On your mark..Get set...Read !!